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Unique Parent

I'm glad I don't have a prodigy

July 14th 2008 14:13

A few mdays ago, I wrote about competition among children. I’ve found that my little blog didn’t change the entire world view of parenting and people are still competing. Amazing isn’t it?

I saw a video from the Today Show of a little girl who is 17 months old and can read. The parents were genuinely worried because of how it would make her different.

Even though my 18 month old is not reading, I can totally understand that feeling. On one hand, you want your children to be smart and successful, and on the other you just want them to be happy.

Many parents would take these skills and run with them rather than allowing them to develop. Some would push for early college for these kids. Until recently, I had no idea how many kids are actually in college. I thought it was an extraordinarily unique occurrence- maybe one every 10 years- but not so. There are a few heavy handfuls of middle school aged kids in college at any point in time.

I know that research has been back and forth about whether it is good to be a prodigy or not, with the genuius/madness connection coming up pretty often. My opinions on it are just that- opinions.

I think it is a wonderful gift to be so smart, but there are other wonderful gifts in the world too. I can’t imagine what life would be like without that first makeout party in 7th grade; the first trip to the mall without parents; riding the bus; going bowling with friends; learning to drive and taking your friends out for the first time; going to a high school football game; having time to rebel…

I just can’t imagine talking to my kids one day and saying “I remember the first kiss I had when I was 12″ and having them reply, “Yeah, that’s about when I had my first paper on expanding string theory published.”

There are some really wonderful social experiences that these kids will absolutely miss out on. Parents say they are following their kids lead. Aren’t we supposed to be the ones that gently guide them in the direction of best interest? We have a responsibility to be attentive to ALL of their needs, not just the academic ones. It makes me wonder how much of early college is kid centered and how much of it is parental pride.

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My kid is better than your kid!

July 9th 2008 15:26

Competition is a beautiful thing in most cases. When it comes to the free market or a hockey game, I’m all up for competition thriving like crazy. With my kids, its another story.

I could sit here and tell you how smart my little ones are. I could brag about how my 3 year old is starting calculus, my 16 month old has discovered a new star, and my 7 week old is already quoting Shakespeare. I mean, these are my kids after all- they should be doing amazing things right?

On a bulletin board I frequent, I saw a new group for gifted toddlers and preschoolers. I was curious, because like most parent I consider my children to be the smartest in the world. What I found was a bunch of self-thanking people who were asking questions of each other more to show off their kids talents than to actually get any real answer. There was a woman who had asked if anyone thought that their preschool would be able to accommodate their child’s gift and what she should do about it if they couldn’t. Along with the post, she posted pictures that the child, barely three, had drawn. I was frankly amazed at how good the pictures were. Where most three year olds are drawing large circles heads with crooked smiles and arms and legs coming out of the head, this child had drawn a real bird with feathers and everything. Does this mean that I think this child should be in art school a few days a week to hone their abilities? Absolutely not.

Kids can only handle the world in tiny bites, so as preschoolers they tend to obsess over things. Some kids will obsess over drawing- making faces and trees and flowers day and night until they find some other new trick to occupy their time. As parents, it is certainly our responsibility to encourage them and allow them to grow. The operative word there is to ALLOW.

We have to allow for them to be smart, we have to allow for them to be behind, for them to love music one day and hate it the next. We have to allow them to expand their interests and move from one to the next in order to have full exposure to the world around them. We can’t push them into a mold of who we think they should be or to use whatever talents we see in them. Encourage them when they do well, and when they might not be the best at something, encourage them anyway.

My parents were always super-encouraging. They sat through basketball games when I never touched the ball, through volleyball games where I missed every shot, music solos where I screached away on my clarinet, uncoordinated cheerleader routines from their daughter who was so obviously not cheerleader material… I enjoyed trying new things and they let me do it. If, as a child, they had pushed me in one direction or another instead of letting me experiment, I may not have found my own strengths which later led me to the music and literature that I chose to study- decisions which have shaped who I am as an adult.

Besides the personality issues that can occur from pressuring a child in one direction or another, we also have to consider what can occur if we put too much academic pressure on toddlers. Before the age of five, kids thrive on play. They learn key social interaction skills that will benefit them immensely in the future. If we change that natural inclination and try to reprogram their little brains to sit and learn instead of play, it sets them up for behavioral problems in the future.

If a child WANTS to sit and learn something, that is absolutely fine. I’ve seen children who genuinely want to sit and practice letters, and in that case I certainly wouldn’t stop them. As a preschool teacher, I continually wondered if I was truly helping kids when I forced them to sit and write because that it what was expected from the parents.

It is a constant struggle as a parent to try to decide what it right for our kids. Allowing growth is perhaps the most important thing we can do for them. My son really enjoys trying to write letters right now, but compared to the interests of some children I have seen, my son's primary interest is not on a particularly scholarly arc right now. He is currently having a serious obsession with Spider-Man, which has led to an obsession with super-heroes in general. I sometimes get a little overwhelmed with all of the fun. He has sticker books and early reader books, which we all have memorized because he makes me read them every night. He has a memory matching game with Spider-Man and Friends and quizzes me on the names of the characters on the cards- from Storm and Cyclops to Scorpion and Doctor Octopus, or the Thing and Rhino. He knows who Mary Jane is and tells me every day that Uncle Ben got killed by a burglar. He knows that Wolverine is a friend, as well as Captain America and Daredevil. If a super-hero movie of any kind is on FX, you can be sure that it is on at our house. His “good boy” chart currently earns him quarters for a weekly trip to play on old Spider-Man video game at the local farmers market. He teaches me 12 times a day how to shoot webs from my wrists and we have pretend web battles daily. This is the slice of life my 3-year-old has chosen to enjoy for now. I couldn’t be more proud.

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Is He An A****** Mommy?

July 8th 2008 16:14

I’ve always prided myself on being a bit of a modern day Polymath- that I’m able to talk on a variety of subjects and have an open mind about most things. I enjoy talking about a wide variety of serious issues as much as I enjoy watching dirty comedy.

In that vein, I’ve never been too concerned about “bad” words. In my view, language is just a way to communicate and however we can most effectively do that is how it should be done. “Gosh darnit” just doesn’t mean the same thing as “God Damnit.” If you don’t believe me, try watching the Sopranos on regular TV.

I’ve always intended to start curbing my own personal use of “dirty” language around the house for my kids sake. Not so much because it bothers me, but because like most 3 year olds, my little sponge will repeat everything anywhere. The public perception of a kid who says naughty words is not a good one. I kept putting off this switch thinking its not really a big deal.

A little while ago, we were watching our favorite hockey team in a game that went into a shootout at the end. When the first player from the other team came up to shoot, my son turned around and asked “Is he an asshole mommy?”

Flustered, I tried to think of how a good parent should respond to this. “Well, he’s a bad guy.”

“So he’s an asshole?”

“That’s not a nice word buddy, how about we just say he is a bad guy ok?”

He looked puzzled. “But Rupert (our dog) is an asshole.”

Apparently me getting mad at the dog for messing in the house had shaped his view of what this word meant. It was someone who made me mad.

“I know bud, but mommy shouldn’t say that word. Nobody should. Its not a nice word.”

He looked around for a few minutes. “That’s OK mommy, you can say it, I won’t”

Later in the week, we decided to take the kids bowling. Next to us was a group of teenagers who were cursing like mad- the f-word flying everywhere and very loudly. I found myself getting very angry. After listening for a while and hoping they would stop, I turned and asked them nicely to watch their language.

Here I am- this great open-minded woman who has to teach herself not to say those words for the sake of her child, reprimanding someone else for doing it. What a hypocrite.

A few years ago, this huge movement started where people wanted to find their “authentic self.” I’ve realized over time that there is no authentic self. As the great Kurt Vonnegut said, “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”

For the sake of our kids, I suppose in true Renaissance fashion I have to wear different hats on different days. That person who laughs hysterically at Kevin Smith movies is still who I am, but I also have to learn to be this other more wholesome person too. Its going to take some god damn work!

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Licensing for Parents

July 6th 2008 15:06

I’ve been thinking on that old saying “You need a license to have a dog, but any idiot can have a child.”

Recalls have been coming from every corner of the globe lately and many are legitimate beefs. My son still asks me for Aquadots, but we had one last blowout with them Studio-54 style. Among the recalls that annoyed me within the last year were the Bumbo seat and a toy shelf. For those that are unfamiliar with the stories behind them, the Bumbo seat was recalled with the instructions that it was not to be placed on the countertop or a seat as a child could fall on the floor. A Jetmax storage system was recalled after it fell on a child and suffocated him

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Finding Parent Time

July 1st 2008 13:43

For those of us who are married or in a long term relationship with someone, it gets way too easy to fall into our parent roles and forget that we are also people. In my case, daddy becomes the provider and mommy becomes the care giver. Now, these roles are of course inevitable in many ways. When you have kids, it changes everything about the logistics of life and the priorities that you used to have. Instead of playing World of Warcraft until 3:00am, you have to try to sleep while you can. Instead of going to a coffee shop to listen to poetry, you find yourself taking the kids to see the 12th penguin movie this year. Instead of cocktails with friends, you stay home with heartburn because you are pregnant for the 3rd time in 4 years…or maybe that one is just me.

The point is, that while I am really into incorporating your kids into your interests, life is really about learning how to maintain who you are and not just be a parent. I’ve heard many working women say that they work so that they can maintain who they are- something I can understand. As a stay at home mom, it is extremely challenging to find that time to be me and for my husband to feel like more than just a paycheck. For anyone with kids, the balance can be severely damaging if you allow it to be

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Nerdy Activity: Exploring the Night Sky

June 30th 2008 21:20

Every now and then I’ll be posting an idea for a family activity that can be fun and educational for everyone. So when you’re sitting around Friday night wondering what to do, you can’t say I didn’t try to help!

This week: Exploring the Night Sky

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Stupid Girl Toys

June 30th 2008 21:05

My younger 2 children are little girls. While I was excited to have a girl, I was also very nervous about it- perhaps a strange feeling for a woman to have. I’ve always felt that I identified better with men for some reason I haven’t ever been able to pinpoint. Then I saw some of the toys available for little girls and it started clicking.

Why is it that little girls have so many toys that glorify appearance alone? I watch kids TV with my son and see the way it is from the commercials. Boys get cool stuff like K-Nex and remote control cars with heavy metal music to accompany it. Girls get Barbie heads to style and Bratz to make into fashion icons with flowery music behind it. No wonder Paris Hilton is so popular- she’s a glorified Barbie head; although I imagine the talking Barbie has more important things to say

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Obnoxious Parents and Their Not-So-Obnoxious Kids

June 30th 2008 21:02

I was in a restaurant in the Farmer’s Market the other day trying to enjoy my meal. This is what I heard in a very loud, grating voice:

“Joey! Knock it off

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Hello to all

June 30th 2008 20:55

I'm just an over-educated stay-at-home mom. I've been home for 4 years and had 3 children during that time. Before that, I was a preschool teacher and an assistant manager at the center. I'm a self-proclaimed nerd who loves sci-fi fantasy just as much as I love political discussion.
On this blog, I hope to share some stories, opinions, and ideas for fun "nerdy" activities to do with your kids.
I had a blog elsewhere and wanted to start by moving some of my favorites over here, so enjoy

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July 2008

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