Finding Parent Time
July 1st 2008 13:43
For those of us who are married or in a long term relationship with someone, it gets way too easy to fall into our parent roles and forget that we are also people. In my case, daddy becomes the provider and mommy becomes the care giver. Now, these roles are of course inevitable in many ways. When you have kids, it changes everything about the logistics of life and the priorities that you used to have. Instead of playing World of Warcraft until 3:00am, you have to try to sleep while you can. Instead of going to a coffee shop to listen to poetry, you find yourself taking the kids to see the 12th penguin movie this year. Instead of cocktails with friends, you stay home with heartburn because you are pregnant for the 3rd time in 4 years…or maybe that one is just me.
The point is, that while I am really into incorporating your kids into your interests, life is really about learning how to maintain who you are and not just be a parent. I’ve heard many working women say that they work so that they can maintain who they are- something I can understand. As a stay at home mom, it is extremely challenging to find that time to be me and for my husband to feel like more than just a paycheck. For anyone with kids, the balance can be severely damaging if you allow it to be.
As a daycare provider for 7 years, I thought I knew just what being a parent was like. After 3 years as a parent, and 3 children later, I feel like I am just starting to understand the impact that choosing to have children can have. Usually, it is for the better. I’ve certainly become more understanding and having kids really defined love in a way that I never grasped. Sometimes, there can be bad changes. If you let yourself get lost under the hustle of life and the worry about bills and chores, than you are hurting yourself, your relationship, and eventually your kids.
It is so important to take time to reconnect to yourself and to your significant other. I’m not one who thinks parents need to drop the kids off at a babysitter every weekend so they can go out drinking or having “me time.” I think there are certainly a lot of ways to reconnect and involve the kids- which is something my activities try to help with. That understood, I also think that it is important for parents to keep their spark going. If that means dressing up as Ron and Hermione when the kids are in bed for the night, than so be it.
Kids deserve to have enthusiastic, entertaining, happy, self-loving parents who want to make them a part of their lives and teach them to love themselves by example. I hope that we can all learn how to balance life and family in a way that benefits everyone from dad and mom to the family dog the little ones who rely on us to be whole people for them.
The point is, that while I am really into incorporating your kids into your interests, life is really about learning how to maintain who you are and not just be a parent. I’ve heard many working women say that they work so that they can maintain who they are- something I can understand. As a stay at home mom, it is extremely challenging to find that time to be me and for my husband to feel like more than just a paycheck. For anyone with kids, the balance can be severely damaging if you allow it to be.
As a daycare provider for 7 years, I thought I knew just what being a parent was like. After 3 years as a parent, and 3 children later, I feel like I am just starting to understand the impact that choosing to have children can have. Usually, it is for the better. I’ve certainly become more understanding and having kids really defined love in a way that I never grasped. Sometimes, there can be bad changes. If you let yourself get lost under the hustle of life and the worry about bills and chores, than you are hurting yourself, your relationship, and eventually your kids.
It is so important to take time to reconnect to yourself and to your significant other. I’m not one who thinks parents need to drop the kids off at a babysitter every weekend so they can go out drinking or having “me time.” I think there are certainly a lot of ways to reconnect and involve the kids- which is something my activities try to help with. That understood, I also think that it is important for parents to keep their spark going. If that means dressing up as Ron and Hermione when the kids are in bed for the night, than so be it.
Kids deserve to have enthusiastic, entertaining, happy, self-loving parents who want to make them a part of their lives and teach them to love themselves by example. I hope that we can all learn how to balance life and family in a way that benefits everyone from dad and mom to the family dog the little ones who rely on us to be whole people for them.
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